At the Inter-Pacific Bar Association (IPBA) conference, a session on women in law opened with a pop-culture reference that immediately resonated with the audience.
Moderator Gmeleen Tomboc said,
“When people hear the word lawyer, they think of Harvey Specter from Suits, or for those who are a bit older, Lieutenant Daniel Caffey - Tom Cruise in A Few Good Men.”
She used the reference to highlight the stereotype many lawyers grow up seeing.
“So that’s how we think of lawyers - like aggressive, male, cocky and very self-confident.”
By starting with the Harvey Specter comparison, the session framed its central question: if the “model lawyer” is still imagined as aggressive, male and relentlessly confident, how do lawyers who do not fit that mould navigate the profession?
That question shaped the discussion that followed.
The session, titled Real Talk: Women Lawyers Conquering Challenges (The Sequel), brought together senior practitioners across jurisdictions for a candid discussion on confidence, leadership, authenticity and the invisible pressures that follow women through every stage of their legal careers.
The panel was moderated by Tomboc, SVP, Project Management at Gurin Energy, Singapore. It featured Renu Menon, Director and Co-Head of Banking & Finance at Drew & Napier LLC, Singapore; Quyen Hoang, Managing Partner at LNT & Partners, Ho Chi Minh City; and Erika Paulino, Partner at MVGS Law Firm, Pasig City.
Menon spoke about the turning point in her career when she decided to stop waiting for recognition and start asking for it. She said,
“I went to him and I said, I just want to talk to you about where I want to be. And I need your advice as to how I can get there.”
She explained that the decision came after months of self-questioning about whether her work was strong enough to justify partnership. The conversation forced her to articulate her ambitions and identify the steps needed to reach them.
“You question, am I really doing my numbers enough? Is the type of work I do strong enough for a business case?”
Menon said that visibility within a firm often comes from reliability rather than volume or theatrics. She said,
“I do feel it took a bit of time to let other people know you existed, not by being loud, but by being reliable.”
Her name was eventually proposed for equity partnership after sustained effort and relationship-building.
“It took two years of putting in that effort before my name was brought up at Equity.”
Menon also reflected on how professional pressure can reshape personal life, recalling a moment when a conversation at home prompted her to rethink work–life balance. She said,
“At some point he said, you know, you’ve become such a negative person. And that got me.”
Paulino directly addressed the expectation that lawyers must perform confidence in a certain way to succeed.
“Confidence - it’s not magic. It’s years of discipline and preparation," she said.
Waiting to feel ready can hold lawyers back from opportunities and leadership roles, she added.
“Stop waiting for the time to be ready. As mothers, as wives, as partners, there is never a right time."
Paulino emphasised that confidence is earned through experience rather than personality or theatrics.
“If you’re in the room, assume you deserve to be there, not because you’re perfect, but because you earned it.”
The statement captured why many women lawyers reject the Harvey Specter archetype. The profession, they suggested, rewards preparation and persistence more than performance.
Tomboc illustrated how visibility in law firms often requires intentional effort rather than dramatic displays of confidence.
“The hard part is not getting the job, but to promote yourself to each partner."
She explained that partners frequently rely on familiar networks when allocating work, making proactive relationship-building essential. She said,
“I waited for one partner to go to the water cooler. So I stalked him and said I work in Japan. I can work on your Japan deals.”
She also highlighted how family expectations continue to shape women’s legal careers and contribute to attrition in private practice.
“You cannot control the husbands of your associates.”
The remark drew laughter when the panel joked about how firms could help women lawyers remain in practice. She said,
“Introduce your associates to flexible spouses...Maybe start a Tinder!”
One of the most candid parts of the discussion centred on how motherhood reshapes legal careers — not as an obstacle, but as a constant negotiation between presence, guilt and efficiency.
Menon spoke about the deliberate routines she has built to remain present for her children despite the demands of transactional practice.
“I want to be more involved with my children, and so I carve out the time to do it,” she said.
She explained that this often requires strict boundaries around working hours.
“I am really offline between seven to ten, because I have to sort it out for the kids.”
Menon said that the journey toward balance involved learning to let go of perfectionism and accept unfinished tasks.
“I’ve learned to find a balance that works for me.”
She also shared a deeply personal moment that captured the emotional weight of balancing work and parenting. At a firm family day event, her young son unexpectedly asked a question in front of her colleagues and boss: "Why does my mommy come home so late?”
Menon recalled her immediate reaction. She said,
“I felt let the ground open up and swallow me.”
She acknowledged that guilt remains a constant part of the experience.
Haong described a very different parenting style shaped by the realities of long working hours. Speaking of how she deputes responsibility to her children, she said
“You have to take care yourself. I have no time to take care, but I just make sure that you sit next to me and you do your homework...Mother is here for you, but you have to do your job.”