How to be a bad law intern

Congratulations! You've been selected to intern in a chamber that doesn't know you, want you or need you. Now here's how to make absolutely sure that doesn't change.

One: Arrive late

There's nothing like arriving late to announce your commitment to mediocrity. Court starts at 10? Stroll in at 10:15. Even better if you walk in while your senior is mid-submission. It ensures you enter just in time to miss anything useful.

Blame the metro. Or traffic. Or the weather. Blame the Constitution if you must. Just never blame yourself. Showing up on time is for those desperate to be noticed. You're different. You're bold.

Two: Ask questions. the worse, the better

You're here to learn, right? So go ahead. Treat your senior like your college professor, private tutor and Google search bar rolled into one. Ask them what res judicata means. Ask them what is Order 39 Rule 1. When given a research task, ask "what keywords should I enter?".

Ask your senior to explain basic legal concepts while they're reviewing a brief. They have read the bulky law books already —why should you bother reading them now? Just ask them. Make them your personal doubt-solving app.

And don't forget to ask the most important one: "is there anything important today?”. This is important. Continue your commitment to mediocrity by conveying that you are here only for the important stuff. You're not the one to be bothered for mundane things.

Three: Don't make any notes

When you're handed a file, simply glance through it. Maybe admire the font. But never, never, write anything down. Notes are for people who want to remember things. You're not one of them. You're here for the passive absorption. Osmosis over effort.

Later when your senior asks you anything about the case, just answer with confidence. Half-information always sounds better when delivered with certainty.

And if you're asked, "Which page is that statement on?", pause dramatically. Stare at the file like it personally betrayed you.

Similarly, never take notes of what happens in court. If your senior is arguing, just nod solemnly like you're spiritually aligned with their submissions. And if someone else is arguing, why suffer through it, when your phone can offer you the best memes about #LawyerLife?

Four: Books are for nerds, use AI for research.

When given a research task, don't waste time with dusty old commentaries or multi-volume textbooks. That's 20th-century thinking. You're a modern intern. Simply open ChatGPT (even better if you just rely on Google's Gemini), type the vaguest version of the issue, copy the response and send it across.

No need to read the judgments it cites. Or verify if they even exist. Your job is to sound informed, not be accurate.

And when asked where you sourced the research, say, "It's from a legal blog." Legal blogs, as we all know, are the grundnorm of modern jurisprudence.

Five: Be forgettable, ideally, untraceable.

Your goal is not to impress. It's to avoid detection. Don't make yourself useful. Just show up physically, and let the rest of you stay in energy-saving mode.

You're not here to contribute. You're here to haunt the space. Float through chambers like an unused bar stool. Plastic, hollow, occasionally in the way. And not even from Ikea.

And always, always be on your phone. If your senior is out for a meeting, why read files? Surely Suits or Family Man is more exciting than the boring files in the office. Make the smart choice.

Six: Leave abruptly. Ghost. Post.

End your internship the way you lived it: quietly, passively and without warning.

One day, just stop coming. No message. No "Thank you, sir." Let the silence speak for you. If you have followed the previous steps well, no one will notice.

Wait three to four business days. Then send a polite (but grammatically poor) WhatsApp message asking for a certificate. Mention how much you learned. Thank them for the experience you mostly ignored.

Now comes the real work: the LinkedIn Post!

Black-and-white photo. Long caption. Keywords: grateful, inspired, journey, growth. Add a quote. Let people imagine you worked on landmark litigation, not three abandoned research notes and a half-saved Word file named "Final_Final3.docx".

Then if your LinkedIn post gets more than 100 likes, congratulations! You'll be a successful lawyer on social media. That's what counts.

Nipun Arora is an advocate practicing in Delhi.